Thursday, 15 December 2011

SECRET .but you have to promise that you'll read them with open hearts and minds.

i've realized that there's a lot that you guys don't know about me.
these could be considered to be my "secrets". everyone has secrets, right? stuff that people shouldn't know about? well hey. i'm feeling brave tonight. i'm releasing some of my secrets to you. but you have to promise that you'll read them with open hearts and minds. 

well here goes nothing..
1. I've never met my real dad. I never used to question it that much when I was younger because it just didn't matter that much to me. And it still doesn't, but i'd still like to know who he was and if i'm anything like him. You know, to see if that's where i get my quirks from. It's pretty pathetic, I've never even seen a picture of him. I often wonder if he thinks about me, or if i'm just some distant memory, thrown away years ago.. 

2. My two biggest fears are losing the ones that I love and not being able to succeed in life.
3. I used to be really, well cheap. for a lack of better words. I think that's the reason why i try so hard to be generous now.
4. I used to care a lot about my image and being someone. This was just a state i went through in like 6th/7th grade. I feel like everyone goes through this some time or another until they find themselves.

5.I've been sexually harassed. My mom's long time boyfriend, who i actually consider to be like a dad to me, was the one who did it. When they were still together, he'd always touch me in inappropriate places. I was too young and vulnerable to say anything. All i know was that I felt disgusting afterwards, and now too, even thinking about it. I've never told my mom about it or anyone else. except my bestfriend. and now you guys. Even though I should hate him or something, I don't. I think it's because he actually pays attention to me, and asks me about my life. He seems like he cares, an emotion my mother has a hard time showing.

6. I love singing but i'm not good at it.. lol. i used to be afraid to sing in front of people, but now i'm not shy anymore. actually, i used to be really really shy. 
7. i'm falling fast for this new guy, and it scares the crap out of me. 

So after listing of all of these, I noticed  that the majority of them deal with the past. I'm really proud of myself and the long way that i've come. I used to be such a disoriented  person on the inside. Infact, I'd never dare tell anyone about my secrets. I had up walls as high as skyscrapers around me. Now it's like, I have nothing left to hide. I'm an open book. I've realized that every little thing that's happened to me has shaped me into the person that i am today, and that's reason why i'm at peace with all of it. And after doing this, I gotta say, i feel great.

If you're feeling fearless tonight as well, I hope that you'll post a blogpost doing the same? the ultimate test of trust on piczo. are you up for it? You might surprise yourself, or even discover something about yourself that you didn't know. You'll be proud once you're done. I know it. If you do re-blog this, comment/msg with a link to your blog post so that i can see it. I'd love to read them:)

so that's all for now my friends.
let those secrets out of the jar. release your inhabitions.